ABA Family Legal Guide

Family Law

3.4 Separation, Annulment, and Divorce

Custody

If a parent has a sexual relationship outside of marriage, how does that affect a court's decision on custody?

In most states, affairs or nonmarital sexual relations are not a factor in deciding custody unless it can be shown that the relationship has harmed the child. A discreet affair during the marriage might not be a significant factor. Similarly, if, after the marriage is over, a parent lives with a person to whom he or she is not married, the live-in relationship by itself may not be a major factor in deciding custody, although the quality of the relationship between the child and the live-in partner can be an important factor in a custody dispute.

If the parent's nonmarital sexual relationship or relationships have placed the child in embarrassing situations or caused significant, provable stress to the child, then the relationship(s) would be a negative factor. In a few states, courts are more inclined to assume that a parent's nonmarital sexual relationship is harmful to the child. The issue of a parent's sexual conduct can be one in which individual judges may have personal biases that influence their decisions.