Your Final Instructions

You can make your survivors’ task easier by leaving a letter containing burial instructions and your other last wishes in a place where your family can find it.

The most important decision is what to spend on a funeral. The average funeral costs more than $5,000, and other burial costs can push the bill up to $7,500 and well beyond, depending on how elaborate you and your family want to get. Although cremation or very simple burial can run less than $3,000, death is usually one of the largest single expenses a family incurs. Unfortunately, a grieving family may spend more than it can really afford “to show how much you loved the departed.”

To protect your estate and survivors from this sort of tension, set a limit on funeral expenses, and arrange the service while you’re alive (through a funeral home) with the help of someone you trust, such as your spouse, executor, or religious leader. Funeral homes are legally required to send you a written price list; use it to comparison shop. The options range from basic cremation to elaborate memorial ceremonies. If you get a prepaid or “pre-need” plan (see below), make sure you sign a “fixed-price contract.” If you don’t, your family could be surprised by charges above the amount you’ve already paid.

Warning: if your body will have to be transported out of the state in which you die, a permit may be required. The funeral home or health department can advise your survivors. Most states have laws concerning embalming, cremation and so on. Occasionally, an unscrupulous funeral director will falsely tell survivors that the law requires certain procedures (such as purchase of a casket before cremation). So it’s a good idea for you or your lawyer to research these requirements before you die and make sure your survivors know them.

Remember, oral or written instructions about burial aren’t legally binding on your family or executor. The spouse or next of kin is entitled to handle burial arrangements; if no one comes forward to do so, state law takes over.

Where should you keep these instructions? Not with your will; sometimes wills aren’t read until after the funeral. And not in a safe deposit box, because that might be sealed pending reading of the will. You should keep a copy with your will, and give another to your lawyer, to the executor of your will, your spouse and any other close family members or beneficiaries. The main thing is that it be accessible and that everyone who needs it will know in advance where to find it.