Getting Help

After you've reviewed the list above and have an idea of the tasks and issues involved, take a deep breath and remember that you can ask for help. To begin, you can encourage your relative to be as involved as possible in his or her own care. Avoid taking control of tasks that your loved one can still perform. The more your relative is allowed to do, the longer he or she will be able to maintain a sense of ownership over the course of his or her own life.

Next, you can turn to others for assistance, from your immediate family and friends, from brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles -- anyone who might be able to lend a hand. (In many families, siblings divide the responsibilities of parent care.) Often, delegating even a small task can mean a great deal, especially if it relieves you from something on your to-do list. You can also turn to professional resources, such as in-home health aides and elder companions. Of course, most of these services cost money, though some are covered under some health insurance plans or Medicaid.

Caring for an elder relative is not easy, and you deserve all of the support you can get. During the hard times, it might help to remember that what you are doing is noble and generous. Whether or not your loved one is able to express it, he or she is fortunate to have someone who is willing and able to do the job you've taken on.